The Pesach Seder. The climax of this holiday.
The name of this holiday from the humans’ perspective is Passover, referring to when G-d “passed over” the houses of the Israelites who slaughtered a lamb and poured its blood on their doorposts, saving the lives of our firstborn humans and animals. (From G-d’s perspective, this is called Chag HaMatzot, the Festival of Matzahs, based on what humans eat. So we are calling it by what G-d did; G-d calls it by what we do.) From reading an essay by Rabbi David Aaron at my friend’s house before the Seder started, I learned that this name, passing over, is about going out of order. But what we do on the first night of the holiday, having a ceremonial meal with 15 steps, is called a Seder, which means order. So let me write about my first night of this out-of-order holiday by following the order of the Seder steps.
1. Kadesh
I was really excited to go to a a Haredi Seder, where all the rules would be followed to their strictest interpretation. The one thing I was not excited about was that it would go late. I was warned - 4 am! (Luckily it only ended at 2, but that was still too late.) To get ready, for the two previous nights I practiced staying up late and taking naps. As a result, that morning my throat felt horrible and I was worried maybe I shouldn’t go.
“Don’t worry!” said my friend. “You’re healthy, it’s fine, and nothing bad will happen.”
When I got to Neve Yaakov, my throat still hurt, but I was still excited. This is a family Seder, and I was the only guest. It’s like having my own family in Jerusalem.
We were told to arrive at 8 pm. When we got there, dinner wasn’t ready. The Seder didn’t start till 9 or 10 — usually my bedtime. The first step is a cup of wine to sanctify the night. But in proper style, instead of pouring our own glass, we poured for each other. And it had to be till the top (that’s like 2-3 cups!) I chose a sweet, light-pink wine in a fancy bottle. And when the bracha (blessing) was said, I was told that I would have to drink all of it. In one go.
As soon as I managed to finish it, I felt tipsy. Wow. This is what it’s like to drink 4 cups. I have never felt the effects of wine at a Passover Seder before.
Also, my sore throat went away. And since then, I’ve been fine.
2. Urchatz
On each chair was a pillow, because we were meant to recline. One year I would like to actually enjoy the seder on couches, and really recline to the left. Our second step was to wash our hands. But we didn’t get up and go to the sink. Some of the teens brought in tubs with a washing-cup inside, and towel on their shoulder like a waiter, and went up to each person to wash our hands. They went back to pour empty the tub and get new water after each person. I must say, this felt really luxurious.
I am tipsy, and I am enjoying being waited on. The theme of freedom from slavery is hitting home.
3. Karpas
They used celery for this, and each of us had a bowl of salt water in front of our plates.
4. Yachatz
The patriarch broke the middle matzah, put it in a special cloth bag, and hid it in his kittel (ceremonial robe.) Watch where he puts it! Don’t take your eyes off him! Alas, he didn’t get up and hide it yet. I still don’t know when he did, but once people stopped watching him, he must have.
5. Maggid
Now it really begins…
We start the story with a cool device, which is that the youngest child asks a series of questions, and then the adults get to be like, “Since you asked, here is the story…” And in four different ways, they play out the theme of starting in shame and ending in praise/starting in exile and ending in nationhood.
The song “Ma Nishtana” was divided between four kids, each singing one of the questions. In Canada, it’s a fun sing-song. But here, they actually understand what all the words mean. That’s when I realised that I’m the only one at the table who doesn’t know Hebrew. So when they sang it, they emphasised different words and could play with the tone. Also, the rest of the Maggid was read out in Hebrew. (I followed along in English.)
The patriarch encouraged people to ask questions. Anyone who asked something got a candy thrown at them. And anybody who answered, also got a candy thrown at them. I love asking questions. Other people love the candies. (Even though we couldn’t eat them yet! Not until a later step of the Seder!)
One of my questions that stumped them: “The kids are supposed to get curious and ask questions. But why are some of the questions in Ma Nishtana, like why do we dip twice or eat maror, about things that haven’t happened yet? How could anyone ask that at this point in the Seder?”
He also got pretty serious about the ten plagues. He brought out a prop for each one. For Tzfardaya, frogs, he had a frog puppet, which later, while singing Dayenu, was eating his face. For Hail, he threw styrofoam balls at everyone. One fell in my saltwater, which I did not appreciate.
6. Rachtzah
Once again, teens brought out tubs and hand washing-cups. This time we said the bracha over washing the hands. As before, after you wash your hands, we stayed silent until the next step.
While we’re waiting for everyone else, let me tell you another thing. The hostess had a box of Haggadot, which I saw next to the fridge, that were all different versions and commentaries on the events of the evening. A Haggadah is basically the Seder script. The one in front of each person at the table was huge and beautifully illustrated, with pull-open pages, and explanations in the back of the details of the images. But what really caught my eye is she also had the (Unofficial) Hogwart’s Haggadah. Even though I haven’t read or watched all of Harry Potter, I appreciated reading the Rabbi’s commentaries and comparisons to similar contents in the Hogwarts universe.
7/8. Motzi / Matza
Now that everyone’s washed their hands, the patriarch said the blessing over matzah, and handed to each of us a piece from each of the three matzot, and one of them was huge. It has to be the size of a kazi’at — which I thought meant an olive, but apparently it’s more like the size of your hand spread out. And don’t talk until you’ve eaten the whole thing. It was surreal to have these moments of silence from all the chit-chat, but this one had the sounds of crunching.
9. Maror
I had been looking forward to horseradish. Yet I didn’t have any. They used lettuce for bitter herbs. And again, a kazi’at — which means we each got a sandwich bag bursting with an amount that was measured out. During Rachtzah one of the young women washed out my salt-water and gave me fresh saltwater (wait… that’s an oxymoron) that didn’t have a styrofoam ball in it, which I appreciated, so now I could dip the lettuce in it.
10. Korech
My Zaidie used to say, “This was the first sandwich!”
Innocently striking up a conversation, my friend asked me, “What were Seders like for you growing up?” I thought about how my great-grandfather used to go through the whole thing, even when others were talking amongst themselves and he did parts of it alone. I thought about how we would spend one night with my mother’s family — like my great-aunt’s that year I found a guitar in her basement and got to keep it up until last year — and one night with my father’s parents — where we would search for the Afikomen, and Zaidie would tell us whether we were “hot” or “cold”. And I thought about how the Seder moved from generation to generation, until now both are held at my parents’ house.
I thought about the nonagenarian section at my parents’ table, where the older generation would sit. Now a lot of them are dead. Thank goodness I still have two great-aunts and a great-uncle.
Before I could answer her, I started crying.
11. Shulchan Orech
Time to move on! And I have to write this quickly, Shabbat is coming!
The meal was amazing. They used real plates and cutlery! Nothing disposable! And there were several courses. And so much amazing food.
“So, what do you think of the judicial reform?” asked my friend’s husband, the Rabbi, and it was like he tossed a grenade onto the table and walked away. The discussion got heated — but unfortunately I couldn’t follow any of it. It was in Hebrew, and very loud, and very fast. “What are they saying?” I kept asking my friend. Even she couldn’t keep up.
12. Tzafun
The kids went to search for the Afikomen, that middle matzah that was hidden — wait, when did he hide it? Did you see when? Apparently everyone was going to get a prize, so that calmed them down a bit. The search took a long time.
There were 15 of us at the Seder. Two couples, the four kids of my friend, and the six kids (plus her) of my other friend, and me. The kids ranged in age from 3-29, plus my friend who’s 39.
13. Barech
By the time it came to blessing (bentsching,) I was ready to fall asleep. But there were only three couches, and other people kept sleeping on them. Eventually, I got a spot and took a nap.
14. Hallel
Pretty sure I slept through this one.
15. Nirtza
The part I had been looking forward to! “Next year in Jerusalem (rebuilt)!” And I am here! I got to spend Pesach in Jersualem!
I had been disappointed that in Israel, there’s only one Seder, not two like outside of Israel. But after this, I felt satisfied. The next day she hosted lunch, and it was also full of amazing Passover food, with maybe 15 salatim (appetizer dishes.) I spent the entire chag (until sunset the next night) up in Neve Yaakov, because it was too far to walk back to where I live.
Gotta go light the candles. Shabbat shalom! Chag sameach! And don’t forget to count the Omer! (It was one last night)